you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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