Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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