after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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