she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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