I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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