when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
