You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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