just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
