I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
