When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't turn off my feet"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
