Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
