he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
