you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
