I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we're so committed to being not committed
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