I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
