DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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