I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
