Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize