u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
