Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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