in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
