trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
