you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
