yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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