Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
