so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
