You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
