I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
