He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
