I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
