can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Found the puke drawer
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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