Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
