wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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