im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
