Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
