Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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