I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
