You smell like stripper and shame
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
