At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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