I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
