i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
