we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
