Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
