dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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