she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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