If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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