1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
