Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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