Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
