did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize