Tell her she can't have a vagina
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
