No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
