I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
