Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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