my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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