Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
