I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Operation Purity has been aborted
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
