Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
