If i could tip my vagina, i would.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
