Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
