this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
