Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
