All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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