Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
