His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
