you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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