she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
