im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
